A Myriad of Magical Minificlets for My Marjorie
by jesuistropaimer
Summary: Various little ficlets/thingymabobs, 16 plus 1 to be exact-ish, for your birthday. Includes, but is not limited to, gLee, Supernatural and Harry Potter.
1. Puckbeth

Title: Puckbeth

Author: Hatty

Rating: T (for the mention of "MILF" : O oh, and gayboy : O)

Fandom: gLeeeeeee

Pairing(s): Gen. Minor Kurt/Puck if you're nitpicking.

Warnings: Puck on crack, references Shakespeare's Scottish play (yes, _that_ one).

Notes: From a challenge, the first sentence comes from this German book I think? I modified it to suit hungover!Puck.

Puck's eyes felt as if someone had taken them out overnight, dipped them into vinegar and reinserted them sideways. He was incapable of opening them. When he did, he winced as a sharp pain pierced the back of his eyes. He immediately shut them. Then proceeded to push them further into their sockets in the hopes that he'd either pass out once more, or that miraculously the pain would subside and the mortifying kaleidoscope of Kurt's leotard-clad legs would disappear. Black, Red, Lime Green, Leopard, Polka-dot, Fluf- He shouldn't be knowing these things. Honestly, one would think Puck spent his days commiting details of gayboy's ensembles to memory. Suddenly, Puck had a calling.

Nature was calling out to him in the form of a total MILF: "Puck," she said rather ominously, circling his forehead. "You need to pee. If thou does not pee-pee-do, thou willst suffer immensely. Thine bladder shalt nurture stones of the 'we-require-surgery' kind," cried out a fairy-like Lady- Muckbeth, was it? Puck hated Literature when sober, so his feelings hadn't changed whilst hungover. He was Jewish after all. He got up and staggered towards the bathroom to relieve himself before the voice in his head forced him to wear a kilt or kill Principal Figgins.

***


	2. Eye can sex your HALE NO

Title: Eye can sex your HALE-NO. And don't it feel good. [1/2]

Author: Hatty

Rating: T

Pairing(s): Rachel/Puck. Minor Winn if you're nitpicking.

Notes: { Music: Every Morning- Sugar Ray

Halo- Beyonce }

Location: Official Glee Club practice. Mr. Schuester is detained elsewhere (something to do with a raging fangirl and his dancing).

_(Puck): Every morning there's a halo hanging on the corner of my girlfriends four-post bed _

_(Rachel): Everywhere I'm looking now I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_(Puck): I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use it on the weekend or a one-night stand_

_(R): I can feel your halo halo halo_

_(Mercedes): I can see your halo halo hal- __**OH HALE NO!**_

"Mercedes! What now?"

Rachel huffed and extricated herself from Puck's "embrace". She snuck a look at Finn and was pleased to see that he was blinking rapidly at the spot which she had vacated just a few minutes ago. Maybe it was a sign that- Oh, it was just something in his eye. Dammit.

"Where do I even begin!" Mercedes rolled her eyes as she paced back and forth, "One: the songs ain't right and two-" she walked right up to Puck and glared rather pointedly up at him (for one who was dwarfed by the extremely tall jew that was Noah Puckerman this was a tremendous feat) and screeched, "I want to be able to sing back-up without you two all up in each others trying to impregnate each other with your eyes!" Kurt snorted and muttered a little, "Word to her money," accompanied with a quaint _Z_-snap. The others smothered their laughter unsuccessfully as Rachel blushed and Puck stared. Finn coughed slightly awkwardly, "Uhm, I'm going to check up on . He's taking too long."

"He doesn't rape me with his eyes," Rachel blurted out, for the benefit of Fi- "Is that an invitation?" With a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows Puck's eyes glanced towards her chest.

"Pervert!"


	3. And don't it feel good

Title: Eye can sex your HALE-NO. And don't it feel good. [2/2]

Author: Hatty

Rating: T

Pairing(s): Rachel/Puck.

Notes: I forgot Rachel's stalkers name. So let's just pretend we know it, mmkay? [EDIT: Googling tells me it is Jacob Ben Israel]

"I heard tell of Rachel Berry and eye-sex. I would like to sign up for this extra-curricular. I have many pictures posted on my blog for everyone's perusal-

"Get the fuck out of here kiddo, before I give you a wedgie."

"Err, N-Noah. I-I-I'm actually in your grade now, we've been in the eleventh grade for quite some time, not kindergarden. Perhaps your misunderstanding of American School systems makes it incapabl-"

"I'm going to count to fucking five, in Spanish. Vamonos muchacho, or today'll be the day your ass officially eats your tighty-whities."

"Jacob you better hurry up and obey him," Rachel intervened, "If it is one thing he is incapable of, it is counting up to five in Spanish and when he gets frustrated he likes punching bags... or sex."

"Lots of sex" he grinned, "So back off, punk."

She turned to Puck and through gritted teeth said, "No-ah, as much as I appreciate your chivalry, I can handle Ben Israel's advances myself."

"Can't I just beat him up a little? It'd do him some good you know, a little heartfelt bashing. Builds character, it does, beatings."

"Noah I will not let you torture people for pleasure."

Puck pouted. "You always call me Noah when you're pissed at me."

"Acute observation, my young padawan."

"Shut up and call me Puck already," he grabbed her hand and walked off, not before turning to flip off Jacob, adding: "And you, go grow a prostate bitch."


End file.
